The Road to Awakening - Chapter 2; 'Chusuk' Feast

        It was the morning of the 'Chusuk'.  The morning sun was creeping over the window sill.  The air outside of my blanket was a little chilly.  I did not feel like venturing outside of my warm and comfortable mattress.  

        "Kan, time to get up!" I heard my mother's anxious yet tender calling.  Then I realized I was not lying in my own room.  I had slept in my grandmother's house last night.  My mother called me again. "Kan, it is the morning of the 'Chusuk.'  Hurry up.  Come and greet your elders."  Then it hit me as to why I was already up so early this morning.  The smell of delicious food and the sounds of loud laughter and constant chattering filled the house.

        To me the 'Chusuk' was the most eagerly awaited time of the year.  Come September, when the fall harvests of rice and fruits had just begun though the autumn leaves were not yet to be found, our family gathered to our grandmother's house in order to celebrate the harvests and to thank our ancestors, the local deities and the holy tri-spirit.  The very first harvests of the year were reserved for the spirits;  we made the point of staging a feast for them.  
        Suddenly the door to the room burst open; "Hey, cousin!"  A pack of youngsters barged into the room, stumbling and stepping all over me.  

        "Hey, Hey!  Be careful.  Give me a minute to get dressed."  A younger cousin of mine started to drag me out of the mattress by pulling my legs while other ones were rolling me over by wrapping the blanket all around me.  In an instant I turned into a living mummy.  Watching my startled expression on my face, they all jumped up and down in laughter.  I started to laugh out loud with them when our grandmother entered the room.  After scolding us for making so much noise, she chased away all the young ones.  She told me to get ready quickly and left the room closing the door after her.  I quickly got up and dressed.  Outside the window the blue September sky held itself high above.

        When I got to the living room, all of my elders were already gathered there.  The room was overflowing with new stories that needed to be told.  I bowed once to greet all the elders in the room.  My father greeted me first.  "Kan, you are late this morning."

        My uncle remarked in a tone of amazement, "You have grown into a young man since the last time I saw you, Kan.  How old are you now, Kan?"  

        "I am sixteen now, uncle," I answered feeling proud like a man.  
        Another uncle said, "He is a man now, isn't he?"  While looking around the room he announced to my father,  "All right.  Tonight he is going to have his first taste of rice wine."

        My mother and an aunt brought in a table and set it up against the northern wall of the room.  Other aunts brought in food and my uncles placed them on the table.  Soon a table with the most delicious food stood before us.

        With a solemn face the eldest uncle hung the paper signifying the holy tri-spirit on the middle of the northern wall above the table.  To the paper's left my uncle placed the picture of our deceased grandfather and the names of our ancestors.  To its right, he pasted the names of the local deities.  I had never seen my grandfather in person.  He had died before I was born.  But from the picture I could tell that he was a stern and determined man.  

        It was difficult to sit still and simply stare at all the food in front of us, but no one was allowed to eat until we properly offered the many foods to our spirits.  Thus even we children participated eagerly in this ritual, determined to carry it out to the end.

        A large bowl containing sand was placed at the front of the table.  Our eldest uncle stuck several sticks of incense into the bowl.  Kneeling in front of the table, he lighted the incense as a jug of rice-wine was brought in.  The familiar smell of burning ritual scents cleansed the air.  My father kneeled next to him and poured the rice-wine into the small bowl which the eldest uncle held above the smoke of the scents.  He circled the bowl of rice-wine above the scent sticks three times, signifying the presence of the holy tri-spirit, and placed the bowl with the rice-wine on the table.  Opening the cover of the rice bowl on the table, our eldest uncle methodically scooped up some rice with a spoon.  He put the rice into the soup bowl next to the rice bowl.  Then he placed the spoon in an upright position into the rice.  He struck the bottom of an empty bowl on the table three times with a pair of chopsticks, inviting the holy tri-spirit to drink the rice-wine and feast on the foods.  He stood up.  "Bow," he commanded in a solemn tone.  By now our entire family was standing behind him; we all bowed twice, following the lead of the eldest uncle.  

        The place was simply too small to accommodate all of us.  Every time we bowed, I ended up fighting for space with my cousins by bumping them with my head or by poking them with my elbows.  Sometimes one of us would fall sideways, causing a helpless domino effect, knocking over all us children.  

        Next the eldest uncle offered the rice wine to our great-great-great-grand parents by turning the wine cup three times over the scent sticks and then placing it on the table.  We were supposed to offer wine and foods up to four generations above ours.  He cut off a small piece of meat from the meat dish and the fish dish.  With the cue of the familiar sound of the chopsticks striking the empty bowl three times, the solemn command, "Bow," echoed in the room.  we all bowed to our ancestor twice.  We did the same for our other ancestors up to our grandfather.    

        By now my elbows and knees were aching, the ceiling started spinning around and the floor continually bumped into my forehead.  After what seemed like an endless dipping of heads, we heard the call to turn around.  We all turned around, facing the wall opposite the table.  During this time the spirits ate their offerings; we were to give them privacy by turning around.  I thought the ritual was over by now.  "Soon we'll have our turn at all that delicious food," I thought.  I was thrilled.  However, I had forgotten that we had not offered wine and foods to the local deities.  Our eldest uncle asked us to turn around again to face the ritual table.  New foods were brought in, and our ritual resumed for the local deities.  I was back to knocking my head.  The ritual started at nine in the morning and it ended around noon.  It was finally time to eat: the moment I had been waiting for.  This food we offered to the spirits were the most delicious in the world.  It was well worth the wait.

        The day's ritual was not yet over, though.  The afternoon was reserved for visiting our grandfather's grave.  Packing rest of the food, we got on a bus especially rented for this occasion.  We were a big family and if we were to move in a group, we needed a bus.  I had at least twenty five cousins.  I could never remember the exact number because at every family gathering, there were always some more newly born cousins of mine.

        The bus was loud.  The elders were drinking rice-wine while we children sang in turn.  After about an hour, our pilgrimage to our grandfather's grave brought us to the bottom of a mountain.  The grave was located up on a mountain overlooking the city in the North where he was born.   He had to leave the city during the Korean war, as the city became part of the communist North Korea.  He was not allowed go back again.  He longed one day to return to his birth place.  Just before he died, he asked to be buried on this mountain overlooking the city where he was born.

        Each one of us, holding a bowl or plate of ritual food, climbed the mountain for about a half an hour until we reached the grave.  The same ritual was performed at this site, although this time it was only to our grandfather.

        We had a hearty dinner at our grandmother's house.  That night I had my first taste of the rice wine.  My uncles kept giving me the wine and I drank it without hesitation.  It tasted like thick rice water.  It tingled my tongue.  My stomach felt warm and my face became hot and red.  My father and my uncles kept on drinking and talking the whole night.  My grandmother, mother and aunts were gathered around in the kitchen, preparing and packaging rest of the food to be distributed around the neighborhood.  

        All the other children were asleep.  I sat alone on the front porch thumping my full belly.  My whole body felt electrified from the drinking.  The clear autumn sky shone brilliantly with the streams of the stars.  

        The chirping sound of the crickets entertained me.  My grandmother's old dog, lying next to me, suddenly got up and walked to the front gate, wagging its tale.  The gate opened, and my grandfather, wearing a white suit, walked in.  I had never seen him in person - I had only seen his picture - but I was sure it was him.  I even saw his picture this morning during the ritual.  Pleasantly surprised, I ran up to him.  He was a tall and a handsome man.  He wore a white suit with a white tie, white shoes and a white hat, glowing in the darkness of the night.  Looking carefully into my face, he smiled.  His eyes were soft and peaceful.  He stroked my head without saying anything.  I spoke first.  "Grandfather, please come in.  Everyone is waiting for you inside."

        "Ha, ha, ha!" He laughed loudly which momentarily startled me.  He held his large hand out and firmly grabbed my right hand.
        "Grandfather please come in.  Everyone is here today.  I want you to see my little sisters." I was about to go in holding his hand when I noticed him softly shaking his head.  Instead, holding my hand, he took me outside.  When I walked out the front gate the place looked strange.  It was not the neighborhood of my grandmother's house.

        Parked in front of the gate was a large white car.  Entering the driver's side, my grandfather beckoned me to get in.  I hopped into the passenger side.  "Grandfather, this is a very nice car," I said excitedly.  "Can I drive it sometime?"  

        He laughed, turning the ignition key.  "Grandchild, do you know how to drive?" He spoke in a voice that sounded like a huge bell ringing.  Actually I did not know how to drive nor had I ever had the desire to drive.  But when I saw my grandfather shifting his weight into the driver's seat, the urge to try driving suddenly came over me.  "Well, no," I responded.

        "I came to your grandmother's house today because it is the `Chusuk'.  I enjoyed the family gathering today, Kan.  And the food was delicious.  Did you enjoy your grandmother's food?" he asked me with a warm smile.

        "Very much, Sir," I answered, remembering I had some nuts in my pocket.  "Grandfather, would you like some nuts?" I asked.  He again laughed and told me he was full.  

        " `Chusuk' is the favorite time of the year for me, grandchild.  I get to see you and all the members of the family."
        "Did you actually get to eat all the food we offered to you today? I wanted to see if you were enjoying the food, but my uncle asked all of us to turn around while you ate."  I said.

        "Yes, of course I enjoyed the meal.  I think the harvest this year was exceptionally tasty."  He drove for what seemed like a very short time.  Arriving at a traditional Korean style house, appearing oddly familiar, he told me we were at our destination: his house.  The house was not large.  When he entered the front gate, a child of about six years of age charged at me, waving his arms and yelling, "Hello, cousin!"

        Looking at my perplexed face, my grandfather explained, "He is your older cousin who died even before you were born."
        I said in a confused tone, "Then he must be older than I.   How come he's so small?"
        "In a spiritual world, the body and mind simply do not grow and mature at the same rate as your earthly world.  It takes much longer.  At least the same time span as the earthly time span of three generations is needed for him to properly grow and mature in this spiritual world."

        "Cousin, c'mere." Grabbing my hand, the boy led me to a corner of the yard.  There he showed me his collection of toys.  Suddenly pulling down his pants, he started to urinate on my shoes.

        "Hee, hee, hee." He laughed sheepishly.  Completely shocked, I stared into his face.  I could tell from his harmless, friendly expression that it was his way of saying that he was glad to see me.

        The smell of urine wafted strongly into my nostrils.  I thought to myself that the smell of urine in the spiritual world was about ten times nastier that the smell of urine in our world.

        My grandfather approached us slowly.  From his bag he pulled out the food which my grandmother packed in the kitchen to be distributed.  Jumping with joy, my cousin snatched the food from my grandfather's hand and ran into the house.
        My feet were wet and I was smelly.  I took off my shoes and socks and washed my feet in the front yard.  Then I followed my grandfather into the house.  Contrary to the look of the exterior, the interior of the house was quite modern.  I could not even recognize the use of some of the machines and appliances, identifiable as machines only by their electrical switches.  I followed him into his study room.

        The room was simple.  Only a small desk and two floor cushions furnished the room, although bookshelves filled with books lined the walls.  The room was a traditional Korean room, the stone floor functioning as a large heating unit.  The floor was covered with waxed paper and it shined elegantly, giving the feeling of an ancient oak tree.

        Sitting cross legged on the floor cushion with his back straight, he motioned me to sit.  I sat in a kneeling position.

        "Kan, I have brought you here today because I wanted to show you the ways of the spiritual world."  Lighting a pipe, he started to speak and I fell deeply into the rhythm of his words.  "This spiritual world is actually composed of nine levels.  When people die, they go to their appropriate levels depending on their spiritual strength.  The first level heaven is where the criminals go; the highest attained spirits go to the ninth level heaven.  For every human being on earth, there is a spirit residing in that body.  When the connection between the spirit and the flesh is broken due to the dysfunction of the body, the person dies and the spirit enters the spiritual world.  However, depending on the strength of the individual's spirit, the spirit enters the appropriate level of the spiritual world.  If the person in his search for the meaning of life attained for himself a higher self, then the person shall enter a higher spiritual world."

        "Grandfather, what do you mean by a higher self, and how would you attain a higher self?"        "A strong-willed individual is a high spiritual individual.  An individual who sacrifices oneself for the good of the others is a high spiritual individual.  The earthly environment has the special quality of testing one's spirituality.  The earthly world is unique in the sense that one can not only mature and grow in the physical sense but also in the spiritual sense as well.  In this spiritual world, it is extremely difficult for a spirit to attain a higher spiritual self.  That is why there are so many spirits who desire to abandon their role as ancestor spirits in heaven and to be born again as human children so they can try once more in attaining higher spirituality.  Great spirits like Christ or Buddha reside in the sixth level of the spiritual heaven.  Good and decent individuals reside in the fifth level of the spiritual heaven.  The holy tri-spirit resides in the ninth level of the spiritual heaven as the ruler of all spiritual matters in this universe, including those spirits on earth.  However, soon the Tenth Heaven shall open up on earth and the earth shall be the highest heaven.  Then the holy tri-spirit shall descend to earth in its spiritual form to reside on earth.  For this purpose the spiritual world is preparing busily - even today."

        "Grandfather, I have always been curious about the holy tri-spirit.  Is this holy tri-spirit an individual spirit or are there three different spirits? Is this holy spirit also a human spirit or is it just a logic system or a rule?  And if this spirit is a human spirit, has he ever been born on earth?  Does he have a name?"

        He looked into me tenderly.  "Kan, you ask very pertinent questions.  First of all, the holy tri-spirit is the ruling king of all spirits.  He is the Lord God.  Thus of course he is a human spirit.  Second, although he is one individual spirit, the manifestation of his works show three different faces in reality; thus he is a tri-spirit.  Thirdly, yes, he was born on earth as a human being.  He went down to earth as a human child when the earthly world was at its worst crisis.  He went down to earth as a human child because the highest spiritual Heaven is about to be opened on earth.  This spiritual world loses its meaning and its joy if on earth there were no humans.  Without humans on earth, the sun and the moon shall still exist, but they shall have no meaning nor any purpose.  Thus at its worst crisis the Lord himself went down to earth to be born as a human child.  I cannot reveal to you his name at this point.  Who he was, Kan, you shall have to find out for yourself.  I can only say that the mother earth screams with the pain of bearing the child of the new age, the new time, the new Heaven on Earth.  Kan, however your life turns out, never forget what I have told you tonight.  There shall be many temptations in the future, but never forget the fact that this old man is your ancestor.  If our descendants abandon their ancestors, our descendants can never enter the coming new time of the highest spiritual Heaven on Earth because they have abandoned their roots.  If our descendants do not survive into the new age, we ancestor spirits perish as well.  Thus we must depend on our living descendants on earth to be right and just.  Without roots, there can never be fruit.  And if a root cannot bear fruit, it cannot have a meaning.  It shall only decay and perish.  When the Tenth Heaven opens up on earth I shall ascend to earth as a living spirit and I shall be able to meet all my descendants."

        I remembered thanking him for his enlightening words.  And I promised him that I should never betray my ancestors.  I bode him farewell by bowing twice.  However, I could not remember exactly what happened after that.  I found myself waking up at my grandmother's house the next morning with a terrible hangover.  My head ached and my stomach rumbled.  

        Faintly I heard my mother yelling at my uncles from the front step of the house.  "You men gave my child too much to drink last night!  Look - he even urinated on his shoes.  Just think: a sixteen year old boy urinating on his own shoes.  He must had been really drunk.  You men should be ashamed of yourselves giving rice-wine to a child.  God, and the smell of this urine is out of this earthly world, I say.  It will take at least a month for this smell to disappear."

        I remembered my small older cousin.  "I must ask my mother about him," I thought.